They say you become like the five people you spend the most time with. If that’s true, then as a parent of teens, I’m constantly hoping those five people aren’t the influencer-in-training, classmates with a flair for drama, or that one kid whose disappearing acts during study hall are practically legendary.
Teenage years are… fascinating. It’s this weird middle ground where they’re trying to figure out who they are, where they fit, and which friends they can actually trust, all while pretending they don’t need your opinion on anything. They know the right decisions (oh, they’ll tell you they know), but there’s always that little tug, the pull to go where everyone else is going, do what everyone else is doing. Peer pressure dressed up as “just hanging out.”
And here we sit. On the sidelines. Watching, waiting, biting our tongues. Trying to let them figure it out, but also ready to swoop in when they crash and burn (because sometimes they do).
I’m finding that raising these not-so-tiny humans is really just one long exercise in restraint. You can offer your practical two cents, maybe even throw in a gentle “you might want to rethink that”, but at the end of the day, they have to leap. Sometimes they land. Sometimes they learn. And yes, sometimes they land face-first into a situation you could have predicted three miles away.
And yet, as chaotic as it is, there are these little moments that sneak up on you: the honest conversation after a mistake, the unexpected apology, the teen who quietly takes a step in the right direction without your commentary, or the one who laughs at your sarcasm instead of rolling their eyes (miracle of miracles). That’s when you realize maybe they are learning. Maybe they are choosing their five wisely, or at least learning how to make better choices next time.
So yes, we parent from the sidelines now. Offering advice only when it’s asked (or sometimes when it’s desperately needed), catching them when they stumble, celebrating the small wins like they’re Olympic gold. Because the truth is, the only thing you can really control is showing up, every single day, ready to guide, or at least ready with snacks and a sarcastic comment when the chaos hits.
Because parenting teens? It’s all about grace, patience, and the occasional eye roll.
And maybe, just maybe, if we’re lucky, they’ll figure out how to surround themselves with people who lift them up, push them to grow, and inspire them to be their best selves.
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